Your VOICES.

By Ben Emata, Contributing Writer - San Francisco, California

When I was a very young man during my high school days, I had a taste of that famous brandy imported from Spain called Fundador or Pedro Domecq. The brandy always had been the star in any kind of party in the Philippines. The smell alone is terrific and the taste to me is beyond comparison, superlative to say the least. The bottle is perfectly designed and surely a masterpiece of a creative mind, as its color matched perfectly with its label. And as a very curious and aggressive young fellow, I fell into the whim and caprices of that drink. Fate, however, was not ready for me and being a jobless youngster, buying Fundador, a sophisticated bottle that belongs to the high echelon of the elite, was just impossible.

Years later when I was a young adult, I encountered again what I described as truly a miracle item, Fundador, the same drink that I cherished and adored for years. I still admire it as the king of all kinds of first class imported liquor and to drink it, is giving you outright pride. I still like to hold it in my arm, drink and enjoy its scent as much as I need but still I cannot have it. The reason was I had so little income barely enough for my board and lodging in a big city and attending college education. In short,  Fundador was a forbidden drink because I cannot afford to buy it.

Many more years later when I was a full pledge adult, married with some kids running up and down at home and with a better income, I was reminded of that famous Fundador. I dreamed sometimes of the drink of the kings and the more I remember it, the more I fall into its shadows. It gives light that guides me the way to a liquor store. I bought a bottle to stop my stubborn cravings, which I thought would be followed by more bottles in the coming days. It was not and it could cause a disaster in the home if I pursue drinking the still forbidden drink. The reason was my wife was not happy about it as it adds to the family skyrocketing budget while we plan to have better days for the education of our growing children. Besides, she said it is destructive to my health, which I readily agreed. In short, that lovely Fundador remains a drink beyond my reach. It was like a bright star so near and lovely, yet so far and unreachable.

My life improved over the years and my income climbed more than triple, I think even more. I said Fundador, here I come and am ready because I can buy you any number of bottle and drink with only the sky as its limit. Proudly, I said at last I could afford it and make the best enjoyment in my life. I wanted to fill the gap and see myself happy in the era of better times to replenish the deprivation and emptiness of my youth. After all, I was already maintaining three good-paying jobs and I was so in demand in my profession. By any language, I was really ready to hug and kiss the Fundador, or to engage it in a wresting bottle for bottle without worry. The trouble again was my small kids who used to be noisy running up and down at home were already attending college courses and with the bills for tuition, books, uniforms, and other stuff they need, just made me frown and ponder of a dream that was indeed impossible. In short, my lovely Fundador even became more unreachable. Still like that bright star that moves even farther now.

Many, many more years later, when I was not so young anymore and some of those noisy kids at home had graduated from college, the family immigrated to the wine-rich nation known in the book as United States of America. The battle for the education of the remaining kids continued. It raged beyond imagination that my little income as a new immigrant almost wholly went to school and books. I work in a government office and enjoying good pay and benefits but still these graces do not match well with the school expenses. I had to do other jobs to meet other obligations like rent for shelter, food, etc. I aged faster and what was the shadow of a good-looking man back in our city was now reduced to a topsy-turvy individual that looks no better than a scarecrow - - haggard and tired. Fundadaor is priced so low in the stores but the frightening cost of living in my new country made it even more impossible to buy a bottle. My family needed more than anything else every penny of my income.

Five decades and five kids all registered professionals later, I got very much older. I was bald, have gray hair and my inviting smiles are no longer there. They were replaced by what look like canals on the surface of the moon but actually were wrinkles every inch of my skin. I feel not so many people that I meet in the streets would give me a second look like they did before. I am engulfed by a sense of sadness and isolation of that feeling in state of being old. I look at my shadow and realize that I am seeing the structure of an old man. I said where are you Fundador? I am ready even if I die now!  I just want to while my thirst away and take with me to my grave that feeling of satisfaction. As I said my new country was rich in  wines and surely I find Fundador anywhere in the malls, supermarkets and even in small liquor stores. I can buy and drink it 24 hours a day. My desire to grab a bottle grew stronger defeating in the process the odds that hindered me for years. Welcome to my world my lovely Fundador!

But my doctor said No, No to any alcohol because I have hypertension that sometimes go wild, my cholesterol that is extraordinarily high, my sugar count is abnormal, and I was twice hospitalized for stubborn ulcer. Wow, I said they are all life-threatening and I can die from any of them. But I was ready to violate my doctor’s advice as I said, “even if I die now.” So I thought there was nothing now that bars me from drinking the brandy of my dream. By that belief, I bought and planned to drink it in small amounts everyday, say half a glass only with ice to reward me after years of hard work. To me giving myself the pleasure of little entertainment by way of the Fundador is just fair, after all I am already retired. I look back to the size of my footsteps and saw not so ugly the achievements I had in life.

The trouble again is my children who are taking care of my health by remote e-mail control as they are now scattered worldwide, are unhappy if I drink alcohol. They reminded me that when I painfully abandoned smoking many years ago, I made the best decision. My nurse-daughter in Germany who is more affluent on health care motivates me well into avoiding what are bad for my health. My son a mechanical engineer married to a Nurse speaks well too against the drink. He always researches for anything good for me and sends me the printout like the guideline of health food, how to reduce snoring and how to live with diabetes. My two other daughters, one from Canada, who are both engineers but well versed in health by way of internet researches and my other son-accountant would send me a barrage of publications about how exercise and vegetables can make me young and strong. And by reason of too much attachments to them since they time they were tiny babies, I could not just say no to their statements of facts and concerns. Parents when they get old belong to their children. It is the other way around.

In short Fundador remains as elusive, as it was fifty years ago when I first met it. I still cannot drink my glamorous brandy but I remained as passionate and a lover to its taste. At times during formal gatherings when the drink is served, I graciously get a shot or two to satisfy my lust and love of the drink but never indulge with it on one-on-one basis even if I want. I think my life is more important than that lovely Fundador and this beautiful brandy can never take my place in the heart of my family. At all times, I refrain from saying farewell to Fundador because someday, somehow behind the rainbows or from the clouds might emerge a beautiful day for a dream that refuses to die. (Ben Emata)